I'm sorry.
“Oh, porca vacca. Yukihira, you should tell him to go fuck himself.”
Takumi, Megumi and Yukihira were all sitting together in Yukihira Diner after having returned from a nearby ice cream parlour. It was one that had opened up in Sumiredoori recently, and it was ran by none other than Mayumi. Because of that, Yukihira and his friends usually got little perks like an extra scoop for free or two toppings rather than just one.
Since it was the weekend, both Takumi and Megumi had decided to take the long trip down to Sumiredoori to see Yukihira (and of course, to cook with him). They’d been conversing about Twitter memes, Yukihira had gotten his phone out to pay Shinomiya back, and then they’d gone back to talking about memes. Well, at least until Yukihira’s phone had continued to buzz with message after message from Shinomiya. Takumi had been quick to suggest that Yukihira should curve Shinomiya completely, while Megumi had insisted that Takumi was being immature with that advice. Yukihira had ended up taking Takumi’s advice and left it at “yup lol” but Shinomiya clearly wasn’t done. Clearly.
“I mean it,” Takumi grumbled. “Tell him to fuck himself. Big time. Forget sipping a mug of fuck-off-é, this asshole needs an entire factory of it!”
Megumi frowned at Takumi. “All he did was apologise. How does that make him an… a-word?”
Takumi couldn’t help but chuckle at Megumi censoring herself. His chuckle was short-lived, however, since his irritation at Shinomiya was beginning to reach record heights.
“Well, Yukihira told him to fuck off,” Takumi stated. “Him saying ‘I’m sorry’ is just meant to make Yukihira let down his guard again, right? Yukihira, don’t fall for it! You’re stronger than that! You don’t need a man, damnit. Fuck him! Honestly. Just fuck him.”
“Uh… I kind of already did…”
“Okay, bad choice of words. But… uh… oh, I know. Tell him to go and text his fiancée rather than you,” Takumi suggested, taking a large mouthful of his mint chocolate chip ice cream after voicing the idea.
“No, don’t do that,” Megumi insisted, waving her hands to get Yukihira’s attention. “Try to understand him. Ask what he’s apologising for. I mean… I’ve never been that good at talking about my feelings and maybe he’s the same and he’s just struggling with his words—”
“Bullshit,” Takumi interjected. “He’s always got something to say. Haven’t you seen him on the TV? Blah blah blah about this and that 24/7. Yukihira, go on. Break his heart the same way he broke yours.”
“Honestly, you two are reminding me of the whole ‘devil and angel’ trope,” Yukihira commented, his eyes sliding shut as he pressed a hand to his temple. His eyes had become tired from darting back and forth to Megumi and Takumi, Megumi and Takumi, Megumi and Takumi. Any more of this and he’d end up in a state of vertigo.
“I’m not going to say anything,” Yukihira concluded.
“Why?”
The question was spoken simultaneously by both Megumi and Takumi, both of them having similar reactions of embarrassment. After disagreeing on almost everything, they’d finally joined forces on one major question: why?
“Silence is a force of its own,” Yukihira innocently responded, ignoring the desperate throb of his heart as he continued to gulp down his strawberry ice cream, trying to focus on the sweet taste of the icy confection rather than the bittersweet aching in his chest. He wanted to respond. He wanted to talk to Shinomiya.
But, that could hardly be considered moving forwards, could it?
“Well, if you say so,” Takumi replied while dusting his hands off. His small tub of ice cream was now empty, save for the sticky residue at the bottom. “But, seriously. You want someone to help you come up with a message, you know my number.”
“Mine too,” Megumi piped up. She’d finished her ice lolly at this point, although she couldn’t help but nibble on the ice lolly stick every so often.
“Thanks, guys.” Yukihira nodded. “It’s almost midnight now. It’s time for you guys to start making your way back to Tokyo, right?”
“Yeah.” Takumi groaned as he got up to his feet, stretching his arms up to the sky as he shut his eyes momentarily. “It’s Saturday night. The clubs are waiting for me to make my grand appearance… Megumi, you coming with?”
“Absolutely not. I’m exhausted,” Megumi responded, cupping a hand over her mouth to hold in a yawn. She got up and stretched her limbs out, holding the position for a few moments before lowering her arms and continuing to speak. “By the way, Souma-kun, are you going to come to our gathering next Friday? All the Elite Ten members of our generation are having a catch-up session.”
“Well,” Yukihira said, shrugging his shoulders, “I’m not exactly an Elite Ten member.”
“Oh, come on,” Takumi snapped. “Don’t downplay yourself like that. You beat me 5-0 in that Shokugeki and I was the fifth seat! You’re just as Elite Ten as you were when you left, cavolo.”
Yukihira smiled, but shook his head. “I’ll pass. I’ve still got quite a bit to do.”
“Sure?”
Again, Takumi and Megumi had managed to speak at the same time. They didn’t react in embarrassment this time around. Instead, they exchanged looks of amusement and laughed before turning their attention back onto Yukihira.
“Hundred percent,” was Yukihira’s response. “Now, off you go, guys. Takumi, please don’t spam me with all your taxi selfies. Megumi, don’t let him spam me with his taxi selfies—”
“What’s wrong with my taxi selfies, cavolo?”
“Everything.”
Takumi stuck his tongue out at Yukihira, but simply ended up laughing moments later while walking towards the exit of the diner with Megumi in tow. “You’re the one missing out, Yukihira. Sucks to be you.”
“Very that. Have a safe trip,” Yukihira said, smiling at his two friends. “Takumi, I’d tell you to text me when you get back, but I already know you will. Megumi, tell Kuro I said hi.”
Megumi grinned. “I will!”
Kuro was the name of Megumi’s pet cat who appeared more on Megumi’s Instagram account than Megumi herself. Yukihira loved scrolling through her cat pictures and often left comments about how adorable he was, so Megumi had taken to sending Yukihira candid pictures of Kuro drinking milk, Kuro chasing his own tail and Kuro sleeping on the couch. Yukihira loved them all.
“Bye, Yukihira,” the two friends chorused once again, making their way out of the building. Yukihira waved back and returned the sentiment, waving until they’d disappeared from sight.
Finally, Yukihira wandered over back to the table he’d been sitting at, grabbing his phone and going back onto Twitter once again. There was the message from Shinomiya. I’m sorry. Yukihira was tempted to take Megumi’s advice and ask Shinomiya what exactly he was apologising for, but then he had Takumi’s voice in his head, saying that Shinomiya should go fuck himself.
“Ugh,” Yukihira groaned, pushing his phone away from himself. “I hate this.”
He’d grown tired of this constant eternal battle within him. Knowing what he wanted and knowing what was best were two different things entirely. Shinomiya had mysteriously broken his truce to ignore him, and Yukihira didn’t understand the reasoning behind it. But, if Yukihira were to give himself the chance to try and understand Shinomiya, he’d be running the risk of hurting himself. Again.
No matter how tempting it was, Yukihira had to ignore him.
But, considering he had Shinomiya’s phone number in his contacts, it wasn’t the easiest thing for him to do.
“Sitting at your phone won’t make you feel any better, you know.”
Yukihira lifted his head and turned to face his dad, who had re-entered the diner after disappearing for some hours. Yukihira wasn’t sure where he’d went, but judging by the bags he was holding, it seemed that he’d trekked down to the supermarket to replenish the fridge with some goods.
Jouichirou made his way to the fridge and began to load it with the items he’d bought, bacon and various other meats amongst them. Yukihira watched and ignored his phone, which was perpetually bleeping with notifications from Twitter and Instagram and all those stupid little social media apps. He wouldn’t be surprised if Takumi was amongst those notifications too. Takumi spent so much time on his phone that Yukihira was surprised that he could even find time to cook. Takumi seemed to have infinite time. He was running his very busy restaurant, doing all sorts of interviews, doing constant photoshoots and running all of his social media pages, and even so, he still managed to find more than enough time to lounge at home on his Italian couch with his Italian coffee while he cried over Italian movies.
Seriously, Yukihira would need to ask him how he did it.
“Souma.”
Jouichirou was now sitting opposite Yukihira and had picked up the device, looking down at just what it was that had his son looking so frustrated. After some moments of humming, he placed the phone down in front of him before looking up at Yukihira.
“What do you think is the best choice for you to make?” Jouichirou questioned.
Yukihira frowned as he thought to himself. “Ignoring it, I guess.”
“But, has that worked for you so far?”
“I was alone at first,” Yukihira admitted, thinking back to how he’d left Totsuki. “But, I have a support system now. I’ve gotten my footing back. So… back then, ignoring it was bad. But now, I can handle myself. I’m an adult. Adults don’t linger on the past.”
At that, Jouichirou burst out into laughter. “Now, that’s where you’re wrong. If anything, adults think about the past more than you kids do. It doesn’t bother us as much, but it certainly weighs on your mind a lot more than it would if you were younger.”
Jouichirou slid the phone back over to Yukihira.
“Are you ready to make this a moment of the past?”
“I don’t know.” Yukihira looked down at the phone, then up at his dad. He thought back to Hinako’s words to him, thought back to Takumi’s words. He thought back to all the things people had advised him to do, thought back to all the things he’d tried to do. There was so much thinking, but such little time.
“Okay. I’ll ask you this. Do you love him?”
“Well…” Yukihira sighed and ran a hand through his hair, already knowing what the answer would be. “Yeah. I do. But… my heart doesn’t rule me anymore.”
“So, there’s your answer.”
“Yeah. A moment of the past,” Yukihira filled in, grabbing his phone and clicking off the chat. He muted the notifications on that specific chat and clicked back onto his homepage before locking his phone for good.
“I’m going to go to bed now,” Jouichirou said, getting up to his feet. “If you’re planning to stay down here, just make sure that you check the doors and windows before you go to sleep.”
“Sure thing. Thanks, Dad.”
Jouichirou simply nodded before walking out of the room, leaving Yukihira on his own once more. Yukihira knew the temptation still lurked deep within him, but… that was okay. Like Jouichirou had said, adults never forgot the past. But, they knew better than to act upon the past. Once something occurred, it couldn’t be changed. That was the concept of a ‘past event’. And, in the case of Shinomiya, whatever had gone on between them was a past event.
Yukihira wouldn’t allow himself to try and act upon it. Not now, and not ever. This was going to be the new age of Yukihira, starting now. Well, maybe not in the immediate sense of the word ‘now’ since he wasn’t in Tokyo, but soon. His new age would come.
He smiled, content in the knowledge that things would work themselves out as he got up and walked around the diner, checking that all the doors and windows were shut. He’d grown up in this diner. He’d grown to learn the nuances and little secrets of this place. The squeaky floorboard right by the entrance, for example. And, of course, the old footstep he’d had to use to reach the stove when he was a little kid. This place was full of past memories. But, these were pleasant memories. The past wasn’t always painful. There was sometimes joy to be found, lurking in the crevices of past memories. But Yukihira had to focus his sights on the future. in his future, he could see himself becoming an influential figure. A somebody. Not just a high school dropout, but someone who could become more than worthy of taking the top.